tulog na dilat

Okay, I think I know what's wrong. A bit.

I have strayed from the master plan. All my plans, dreams back in college were nothing more than dreams, still - until now. Back then, I have this image of what I want to be at this point in my life. But sadly, I'm still nowhere near them.

I wanted to join JVP (Jesuit Volunteers Philippines) - a program which sends new graduates to far-flung areas of the country to help out in terms of education and whatnot, and maybe along with the process, learn something more about themselves. I wanted to become a teacher, or maybe even work for an NGO. I wanted to work for something which I know means something. To really make a dent in this word (yeah, I'm really idealistic). And not just work for money, nor for a job title.

Unfortunately, JVP didn't materialize because my mom would not hear of her unica hija being assigned for a year in some far-flung area of the country (obviously). And the teaching job went bust as well as soon as a few (well, maybe more than a few) discouraging remarks from some job interviews. Ie: "you don't have education units whatsoever, we can't hire you," and "you should just enroll at PNU, since we only hire from that school." Dear, I respect PNU, but you have one weird logic. I know I should have just fought and looked for another teaching job, but it gets disappointing and discouraging after a while, and it came to a point wherein my already below minimum self-esteem has had enough.

So I fell for a pit fall. So new college grads beware. Never accept a job for the sake of just getting some job experience to boost your resume in preparation for your second job. You might get typecasted. Just like yours truly. Which is perhaps the reason why I'm stuck in this job. Which is also perhaps the reason why I'm wasting away typing on my blogs, just whining and bitching about things that could've been.

Aaahh.. life.